I was just scanning through some older posts, and I found one that I wrote on my birthday last year. It was a revelation I had that applies to life right now. Funny how we have to learn the same lessons over and over again.
http://acwilliams.wordpress.com/2008/10/15/birthday-thoughts/
Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything that could possibly go wrong actually does?
Now, as soon as I say that, I think to myself that not everything has gone wrong. There have been many highlights and positive moments in the past week. Probably more positive aspects than negative ones. So why on Earth am I having so much trouble focusing on the positive?
I’m trying to focus on the fact that the melodrama went well. That I found a place to store the set pieces without too much trouble. That we actually made money on the thing that we could donate to Families Together. That people actually enjoyed it and laughed (until their ribs hurt supposedly). That I still have a job and so does my brother, and we’re leaving Friday for an awesome trip and we’re going to finally get to spend some time together.
It just seems that in the last week, everything has fallen apart. Things started breaking down last Wednesday and it has just gotten worse. Again, there have been high moments–but they have been preceded and followed by very low moments. There have been times I’ve felt like I’m hanging on to sanity by a thread.
I had a patron chew me up one side and down the other today for something trivial and I nearly broke down and bawled right then and there. Maybe I should have. Teach him to fuss at people for no reason when he’s got no clue what’s going on with them. It makes me want to be as nice as possible to complete strangers. We as individuals have no idea the pain other people carry around–even if we know them well, we can’t really know. So why are we so mean to each other?
Friend issues. Family issues. Mentoring issues. Responsibility issues. Too many issues. Miscommunications and preconceived ideas–mostly miscommunications stemming from preconceived ideas. All of it started blowing up on Wednesday, and now I find out that a young man I’ve known since he was a little boy has been in a horrible motorcycle wreck–broke both arms, skull fracture, face fractures, teeth knocked out. And I’m just sitting here about ready to explode, and the only thing I keep thinking is: “Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and supplication, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God which transcends understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
“Don’t worry about anything. Pray about everything.” So that’s what I’m doing. I’m sitting here praying that God will help us get through this week. That He’ll help me be the sister-daughter-friend-mentor-employee-encourager-person that He wants me to be, and I’m praying that whatever He’s doing will be obvious someday. And I’m praying for my dear friend Matt, who was in the wreck; I’m so thankful it wasn’t worse but I hate that he’s in so much pain. And I’m praying for all the drama that seems to be going on in so many places, and I’m hoping that it will just stop.
I’m just ready for peace and quiet. I’m ready for the peace that transcends understanding. I’m waiting for it, and I’m praying that others who need it will feel it too.
Forgive me for the random and strange post after I haven’t posted in so long. It’s just been one of those days-weeks-months . . . couple of months, really.
I’m gearing up for another wild week. Things just keep getting crazier and crazier, but I think life will slow down a bit as soon as classes are over. Campus quiets down, which makes work less nuts. And then I know life will definitely slow down as soon as the melodrama is done on June 20.
Yesterday was a madhouse in the library, but it was the last day of classes so everyone was bringing back books and paying fines.
Today is much quieter, but it starts a week of evening activities that will last until next Wednesday!
Tonight is the Festival of Broadway downtown where MTW will play all the highlights of this season’s productions. I’m excited about it! Mom and I are both going.
Tomorrow is melodrama rehearsal.
Thursday is also melodrama rehearsal.
And Friday, after work, Mom and I leave for Arkansas where we’ll spend the weekend and get back on Sunday afternoon. If I’ve got time, I’m going to try to hit Maddy’s graduation party, but I’m not sure if I’m going to make it.
Then Monday is the season finale of 24, which I’m going to attend at Anthony’s place (I think that’s where it lands).
Tuesday is an eye doctor appointment and melodrama rehearsal again.
Wednesday May 20 is open in the evening–only not really. Because by that time my laundry will be piled so high I won’t be able to get onto my back porch, so I’m going to have to go home and take care of that before I do anything else!!
Wow!! I’m glad I wrote all that down. I’ll have less of a chance of forgetting it that way! I’d certainly rather be busy than bored.
I decided to buy the Star Trek soundtrack (yes, I’m a geek). I was really impressed with it when I saw the movie (twice so far), and I’m hoping it will get here before Mom and I leave. That would make me very happy, but I’m not counting on it.
Arkansas should be a lot of fun. I’m taking the Destiny manuscript and a couple dozen red pens! I’m going to tear it apart and glue it back together! Moo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha!! =) And in the mean time I get to see my cousins who I haven’t seen in like three years. So that will be fun too!
Going back to work now. Maybe things will pick up here today, but I doubt it. It’s study day so no one is coming inside the library if they don’t have to!
Just a random thought Andy and I mulled over at lunch today. Is there a difference between being an artist and being creative?
I think there is. I think creativity is the practical side of artistry–the side that can come up with wild and crazy ideas to communicate simple truths as well as the best way to pull it off.
Being an artist is more of an idea–a state of being, I guess. Being a dreamer. A big-picture kind of person.
To me, creativity speaks of action and artistry speaks of thought. I know a lot of artistic people, and I also know a lot of creative people–all amazing folks. But some are more artistic (dreamers) and others are more creative (doers).
I don’t know why I was thinking about this. It was just something that popped up in my mind, and I felt like I needed to write it down. I’m not even sure it’s a complete thought . . . .
Facilitate the Finding of a Fiend!
A fiendish felon has filched the ficus from the Ablah foyer, and Circulation feels forlorn without it. If anyone can identify the felonious foister, phone Circulation that they may find him, fine him, and return the friendly ficus to the foyer in hopes that this ficus-foisting felon might pay for his fondness of filching forestry.
It’s been a long while since I posted on here. Things have just been so busy that I haven’t had a chance to even think about this site. LOL. I haven’t even worked on the fanfiction that I’m almost finished with, and I’m sure all the readers are about ready to kill me.
It’s one of those things that there’s a lot of stuff going on, but it’s all too complicated to write down. So really this is just a check in blog post to let everybody know I’m still alive. =) Mostly.
I’m a glutton for punishment. I must be. What’s wrong with me? It’s definitely ADD, then, if nothing else.
I find I am most productive when I have a ton of projects working in the background of my mind. I think it’s the comfort factor of being able to switch gears from one project and spend a moment on a different one for a little while. After working on something else for a while, going back to the first project is easier–and I feel more fresh and ready to concentrate than before. That’s the way I’ve always been, really since I was eleven and began planning this massive epic that I’ve been writing since I was eleven. If I ever hit a block on a project I was currently working on, I’d just switch over to my epic planning for a bit and when I got tired of that, I’d go back to the first project, and I was good.
I’ve never had trouble until recently–because (quite frankly) that massive epic has finally reached the end of the planning stage. (Those of you who have been reading it will know how major that is.) I’m at the point where I can’t add any more depth to the story itself or any more intricate connections or plot developments.
So I had hit a block the other day on Destiny and I couldn’t figure out what was going on. Then I thought, I’ll give myself a break and do some more planning on AROL (the previously mentioned massive epic that will likely never see print because it makes the Lord of the Rings look like a children’s picture book). And I realized something shocking–everything was planned. All the story parts were condensed. The plots were outlined. The characters I needed in each one ready to go when it was time to start working on the next chapter. It’s all there. And it freaked me out. I didn’t have anything to plan on this silly epic series for the first time in upwards of fifteen years! (of course, I may never get them all written, but the idea is there)
So I started wondering, what do I do? I need another massive-impossibly-intricate-and-complicated-likely-never-to-see-print project to work on when the intense sci-fi-ness of Destiny fries my brain cells.
So what do I do? Glutton for punishment. I created another epic storyline, this one actually intending to be epic (since AROL was just an outgrowth of my increasingly weird brain patterns). Before I knew it, on my fifteen minute break at work, I had three sheets of paper full of ideas–and then later I did some research and filled up a whole bunch of files full of idea material too–and on my break at work this morning I sketched out basic ideas of characters to go with it. And something pretty amazing happened. It’s the same thing that happened with AROL, except on a different level. When I got done working with AROL originally (after I first began planning it) a lot of my plans and outlines had something in common–numbers. The same numbers kept cropping up. Nines and eights, mostly. It freaked me out.
Well, guess what happened with this idea? Same deal. But different numbers. Three. Twelve. And Seven. Over and over and over again. Seven. Seven. Seven. Granted, I started out examining the Seven Wonders of the world, but I totally didn’t intend to sketch out seven main characters. It kind of just happened. And there were other things like that too. So–I thought it was cool.
Now, you fan-club member types, don’t get excited. I’m still working on AROL (Shadow of a Fallen Angel is maybe a third of the way done), and this storyline (which I’m calling THE NEW EPIC at the moment) isn’t anywhere near the point where I could even consider writing anything on it. I’ve got to do something with Destiny first. =)
But this just tickled me. So I thought I’d share.
And if any of you are reading this and you have no idea what I’m talking about, just know I’m in a very peachy mood today and that writing makes me happy. =)
(PS: Sean looked at me really funny last night when I told him that I was watching both Season 5 and Season 7 of 24 at the same time [ACK! Another seven reference!] . . . And Ethan just told him that nobody really knew what was rattling around up in my head . . . . . It’s very true.)
Obligation.
It’s a funny word. Words with b’s and l’s and g’s in close sequence are kind of strange. Fun to spell. Fun to say. Or maybe that’s just me. There’s something satisfying about all those odd consonant sounds in close contact that just makes me smile. Yeah, that’s probably just me and my linguistic side coming out. =)
What’s not funny about the word obligation, though, is its definition. Not according to Webster’s, an obligation is something that you must do. You are obligated to complete a task or be present at an event.
But what does it really mean? What is an obligation? I mean, obviously, it varies from person to person, but if you have an obligation do you have a choice at all in whether or not you complete it? I guess you do, but usually people who don’t hold to their obligations are looked on as less-than-respectable individuals.
If you have an obligation, do you have to do it? Obligation to complete tasks or attend events is one thing, though. What about obligation to care about someone? To love someone? Is that an obligation?
Is God obligated to love us, His creation? Are parents obligated to love their children? Is that why we value friendships and spouses so much? Because their love doesn’t stem from obligation but from choice?
This is just something I’m doing a lot of thinking about right now–the idea of what we are obligated to do and what we have a choice to do. In my mind, if you have promised to accomplish something, then you are obligated to do so, but until you make that commitment, you don’t have any obligation to make it happen.
Personally, I try not to feel obligated to do anything. I think it’s my old rebellious nature kicking in that when I feel obligated, it makes me not want to do it. Isn’t that silly? Isn’t it silly that not feeling obligated will increase my enthusiasm for a project even if I am obligated to do it? It’s dumb. But I guess it’s all about perspective.
I don’t want to be obligated to do anything. I want to choose to do the things I do. When it’s my choice, I feel like I have some control over the situation, which of course is a flaw of perception since none of us really do have control over anything. We may have a choice in some areas, but that doesn’t mean we can take control of it.
God forbid we’re ever in control of anything. That would be a scary world.
Choice changes our perspective, I guess. I want to choose the people I love. I want to choose the events I attend, the responsibilities I have, and the people I hang around with. Maybe that’s rebellious. I don’t know.
Just thinking. =)
Well, I hadn’t heard anything from my contact at the New Mexico Breeze lately, so I shot him an email yesterday asking about the status of “The Apricot Tree.” He got back to me today and told me that it had been published and that he’d been running into some difficulties as a brand new paper and hadn’t been able to get enough copies to send me an original.
He’s mailing me a photocopy of the piece. I’m excited to see it.
Don’t think I’ll be paid for this one, but that’s all right. I’m getting my name out, and that’s what matters.
I made this contact through the Southwest Writers contest folks, and I missed the opportunity to write for the latest contest. So I need to get on the ball and get something written for the next one.
So tomorrow morning (5:30 am), a bunch of folks and I are leaving to drive 17 hours to get to Tennessee to work our butts off at a camp (no, it’s not a work camp). I’m really uber-excited. I don’t know if I’m driving yet or not. We’ll be tight, but three cars (well–two cars and a van) should hold us all; I just don’t know if they will hold us all and our luggage. So I’m going anticipating that I may need to drive–which would be FUN!
Say a prayer for us if you’re reading this. This is going to be a hard trip. I’m going to keep a journal while we’re gone and if it’s any good, I’ll write it down when I get back. Pray that we’ll get there safely (if I do end up driving, pray extra hard). Pray that we’ll be a blessing to the camp staff. Pray that we’ll be safe while we’re there (no falling off scaffolding, cutting ourselves to ribbons, poison ivy, or setting ourselves on fire). Just pray for us.
Also, if you think about it, pray for the senior class at Sunrise. They left for Israel this morning. That’s a big request. Not exactly the safest part of the world over there.
I probably won’t update (if there’s internet, I will, but I’m not expecting it). So I won’t get anything down here until I get back after March 21.
Have a great week!!
