I love home.

I love being home. The only thing better than being at home is being home with my family. Is that lame? Or is it immature? Or is it childish? I don’t know. But that’s what I love.

I love the sound of this rickety old house settling, the creaking of the floorboards and the way the place echoes when the furnace kicks on (the poor old house is unaccustomed to having the furnace turn on since I only turn it on when I have company, so I don’t think it knows how to compensate). I love the smell of this crazy old house. Kind of like dust and free air and antiquity all mixed in with wood floors and wood smoke and–during the holidays–pumpkin pie and coffee. I love the way voices echo in this house, except when you close the doors. If you close the doors upstairs, you can’t hear anything; but if you leave them open, you can hear everything.

It’s an amazing old house. But is it amazing because it’s an amazing house? Or is it amazing because I have an amazing family that makes it a home? It’s probably more the latter than the former. It is an amazing old house; it’s been through a lot in the last 100 years. But I don’t think even it has seen a family like mine. =) Maybe it’s as thankful for us as I am for it.

How’s this for amazing?

So I decided to take Pastor Hoover seriously this past weekend and change my attitude about a lot of things. I always used to be a very thankful person, but a lot of recent circumstances had me grumbling WAY more than I should have. So starting on Sunday afternoon, I decided that I was going to start being thankful for things again–even sucky things that really totally completely bummed me out.

I did that. All day Monday. And if I had wanted to gripe and complain about all the crap that happened on Monday, I could have. Because there was a lot of crap. But I decided that I wasn’t going to complain and that I was going to focus on the positive and only think about how everything I was experiencing was either a blessing or a blessing in disguise.

First of all, it made the day a heck of a lot easier to get through.

And secondly–well, weird things started happening. For starters, I got three bits of FANTASTIC news all in a row.

One of “my kids” got accepted to a college.

One of “my (older) kids” got a full time job.

One of my crazy, random friends got a job in the aircraft industry (he’d been laid off months ago).

Bam-Bam-Bam. All in a row.

Then, I get in to work today and got some other happy news–that the mom of one of my friends decided to believe in Christ! How cool is that???

Who knew the key to instant gratification was just being thankful for what you already have?

I’m going to attempt to keep any spoilers out of this because I’m the kind of person who likes to experience a story without anyone else’s opinions. But I just felt like weighing in on the whole Twilight rage with my own random, ridiculous perspective on life.

I want to start by saying that I like the Twilight books.

I didn’t think I would because I’m not a romantic type of person–not really. Maybe somewhere deep down inside I am, but generally speaking I don’t like fluff and mush. The first person who told me to read them was one of the students I used to work with (she’s in college now . . . yikes . . . ), and my first thought was, “Yeah, right. I’m going to read a vampire romance novel. No way.”

But then, the second person who told me I needed to read them was a coworker who loves action movies, comedies, and other things. So I thought, “Well, maybe there’s something to it.”

So I read Twilight, and I fell in love with it. Fortunately for me, New Moon and Eclipse were both already out, and it was jut a short wait before Breaking Dawn was released.

I’m not going to spend any time defending why I think they’re good books because I know too many people who either, a) love them already, b) dislike them for their own reasons, or c) hate them even though they’ve never read them. I like them because they’re a beautiful picture of what sacrificial love in a relationship looks like–loving someone else more than yourself.

I’m not posting this to start a discussion. I’m just putting this out because I enjoy the stories, the characters, and the world that Stephenie Meyer has created.

Maybe I’m also posting it to make myself feel better for so thoroughly enjoying something girly. . . . even though it’s about the most non-girly girly series out there (that’s probably a post for another time . . . wondering why I feel guilty for enjoying romantic stories . . .)

In any case, it’s all good. I really liked New Moon the movie (there were a few issues I don’t think they handled as well as they could have, but overall, they did a wonderful job). It was my least favorite book out of the series, but it was still brilliant becuase it really demonstrated the flaws and weaknesses in all the characters (as well as the reprecussions of what can happen to your heart when you make your whole happiness dependant on another person).

But that’s just my opinion. You’re free to agree or disagree . . . or to make fun of me if you like. =)

So . . . Zephaniah is one of those books in the Bible that I don’t get around to reading all that often . . . but I think I might fix that after today.

See, I have this random “de-stress your life” flippy calendar thingy on my desk (a gift from a good friend), and it usually cheers me up with its randomness.  But every now and then it nails something so perfectly I just have to tell someone about it.

Like today.

Today is a Monday. In fact, it’s one of the most Monday-ish Mondays I’ve had in a while. There’s just something about being snapped at, chewed out, and picked on for things that aren’t your fault that can really turn a day gray . . . so gray that even the first snowfall only cheered me up for a few minutes (after I shared my joy of the first snowfall of the season with everyone else, they proclaimed it to be depressing . . . so that kind of bummed me out).

But I turned the page in my flippy, de-stressifying calendar, and here is what it said for yesterday:

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

The irony is that I had just been sitting, whispering the lyrics from “He Loves Us” by David Crowder Band to myself, trying to get my focus back. I don’t know if there’s a Bible verse that complements that song better than that.

And yet again, I am struck speechless at how much God loves me, that He goes to so much trouble to show Himself to me, to the point that I can’t avoid or deny how much He loves me. It’s one of those loves that makes your throat swell and your eyes tear up. How awesome is that? The One who made everything loves me. What else do I need to know? He loves me, so I know that everything will be fine. He loves me, so I know that He is working everything out for my good, even though at times it may not seem like it. Life is worth living because He loves me.

So I thought to myself, if that was what I got out of the calendar page for yesterday, I bet today’s is fantastic!

Today’s says: “Be sure to include directions and a map when sending party invitations.”

Yep. Random. Kind of like life. Kind of like God. I love it. =)

What does it mean when you’re having a really awful day . . . a really awful, stressful set of days . . . a really awful, stressful, painful, frustrating-beyond-belief kind of life at the moment . . . . and you pick up your daily devotion to read it and you’re in Hebrews 11?

Hebrews 11. The faith chapter.

I about bawled.  Scratch that. I think I still might. I think I’ll get up from my desk and just go cry because I’m so stupid.

“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about the things we can’t see.”

It doesn’t get much simpler than that.

Then, just below that . . . Psalms 110:5, “The Lord stands at your right had to protect you.”

And then . . . as if He knew I needed to smile (because He does), the Proverb for this morning is the one that makes me laugh every time I read it:

“A loud and cheerful greeting in the morning will be taken as a curse!” (Proverbs 27:14)

I’m so thankful God has a sense of humor.

I feel better already.

Rehearsals are great. And I’m very grateful that last night was a rehearsal! =) Not that it went poorly. Actually, for as wild as the last couple of months have been, I think the rehearsal last night went very well . . . in spite of a few hiccups. But it’s nothing we can’t work through.

Ugh.

Just got an email from the literary agency I submitted to . . . Another rejection. Oh well. No biggie. There are plenty of publishers out there.

It makes me laugh. Of all the days to get a rejection letter. The first day of Judgement House.

But, like I said, there are lots of other publishers in existence. Just because this one didn’t want it, doesn’t mean someone else won’t.

Something really awesome and amazing and spectacular happened today at 9:48 a.m. and 9:49 a.m.!

Jonah (4lbs and 5oz) and Silas (4lbs and 8oz) Dinsmore were born! Yippee!!!

A great big congratulations to Jim and Shelley Dinsmore!!  Hooray!!!

So far everyone is healthy. I’m going to keep praying that they STAY that way!

YAY!!!!!

I don’t know if anyone else ever struggles with this, but sometimes (a lot of the time) Satan really gets a hold of me and tries to convince me that I’m a complete and utter failure. He’s really been bugging me this year especially for some reason. I’m 27 today, and he’s been harassing me to no end about how I haven’t accomplished half of what I planned to do.  So . . . because he’s a butthead . . . I decided that I need to think of 27 awesome things God has done for me in my 27 years of life. . . . Well, maybe they’re not awesome to everybody, but they’re awesome to me. And they remind me that I’m not a failure but that as long as I keep trusting God, He’ll do great things through me. =)

27 Blessings I’m Thankful For

27. I have an awesome family that supports and encourages me

26. I have an awesome church that helps me grow, keeps me accountable, and provides ridiculously incredible opportunities for me to use the gifts God has given me to help other people.

25. I have awesome friends who put up with my peculiarities and love me for who I am–in spite of how difficult I can be. =)

24. I have a job that I love on most days, replete with coworkers who I adore.

23. I have a house and land that I (we, as in family) own free and clear.

22. I have a car that gets great gas mileage, is comfortable, and can fit lots of people.

21. I have two ears that absolutely adore music of any kind, and I live in a world that always has some kind of racket going on, whether it’s symphony or cacphony.

20. I live in a state with more variety in weather than anybody knows what to do with. I’ve often joked that Kansas can experience every season in the span of a week, but I don’t think that’s a joke really. It’s actually quite true!

19. This past year has been the healthiest I have ever been. Ever. I can’t even express how thankful I am for that.

18. I am thankful for language. That might sound odd to anyone else, but language is my passion, whether it’s English or Spanish or Japanese or whatever. The art of communication fascinates me beyond any other subject. Every time I hear or see someone talking through various means, I just thank God that He gave us the ability to turn weird sounds and funny little squiggles into a method of communication.

17. I am also thankful for books. I love books. Reading them. Writing them. Sitting in a room with them. I’m going to sound like a real nerd here, but one of my favorite places to eat lunch when I’m at work is this hidden area of bookshelves. It’s so peaceful to sit in between the book stacks and eat my lunch and think about all the knowledge contained in the volumes around me–and how that knowledge will still be in use long after I’m gone. It’s so cool . . . and very geeky . . .

16. I am thankful for “my kids” as I like to call them. =) Any and all of the teenagers (some are adults now) who I’ve been so blessed to know throughout my life, whether in the drama team or just as personal friends. I may have been in a leadership position or viewed as some kind of mentor, but I’m here to say that all of you taught me far more than I could have ever taught you. You were all far more of a blessing to me than you can ever know or imagine.

15. I am thankful for my freedom. This crazy United State of America is pretty screwed up in a lot of ways, but we still have the freedom to fight for our dreams. And, as of yet, we are still free to speak openly about those dreams.

14. I am also thankful for my freedom in a different sense. I am thankful for my faith, which is the sole reason I am free period. Free from fear. Free from worry. Free from dreading what might happen tomorrow. Just free. Not under law, under grace. No fearing what men think. Just believing in Christ and seeking to live for Him and to do what the Bible says. There is more liberty in doing what is right than in any religious system in the world.

13. I am also thankful for my education. I can’t say it was easy. Education–learning–is never easy. But it was worth it. The knowledge I gained from my schooling, whether it was through home schooling or in college, has been and still is invaluable to me.

12. I am thankful for my opportunities. This might belong in the point about being thankful for America, but I think I’m thankful enough for it that it deserves it’s own point. I have so many opportunities–everyone does if they will just look for them. I have a wonderful job right now, but (God forbid) if something were to happen and I had to do something else, I could. Even if it’s flipping burgers at a McDonald’s. Opportunities.

11. I am thankful for medicine and medication. I don’t think I’d be here without them. I know many members of my family wouldn’t be. I don’t think it’s wise to put your faith in medicine; your faith should be in God as He is the one who heals us. But I believe He allowed us to have medicine to use. And I am thankful for it. (And I’m going to put hand sanitizer in this category too . . . I’m VERY thankful for hand sanitizer.)

[This might be where the list starts getting frivolous to some folks becuase a lot of these things may seem small, but they are blessings to me. So I'm going to list them!]

10. Good stories. I am thankful for good stories, whether they’re communicated through books or theater or movies or television. I love a good story. Or maybe what I love is the manifestation of the human imagination. I never get tired of it, even if it’s the same story over and over again.

9. I’m VERY thankful for central heat in our homes. Not that I use mine often even when it’s freezing . . . but having it available is a tremendous blessing.

8. I’m thankful for computers and technology. The internet. MP3 players. YouTube!!! =)

7. Conversely, I’m thankful for nature. I love trees and flowers and grass . . . weeds, in my yard’s case. There is nothing more beautiful to me than taking a walk outside down my dirt road at sunset, watching the sun sink and the moon rise, feeling the wind, smelling freshly mowed alfalfa.

6. I’m thankful for blue jeans and t-shirts. Simple. Comfortable. Durable.

5. I’m also thankful for boots. I freakin’ love boots.

4. I’m thankful for colors. Pens, pencils, flowers, markers, paints. Whatever. I’m thankful that God invented color to make our lives bright and cheerful.

3. I’m thankful for animals. I love my ancient old dog and my prissy, primadonna cat. I love birds and horses and chinchillas and everything else . . . although I don’t much appreciate when they jump out in front of my car . . . although, only deer, raccoons, and opossoms have done that . . . not chinchillas.

2. This will sound odd . . . but I’m thankful for ninjas. I like ninjas, and I know a lot of them. Ninjas make the world go round. They make things happen that shouldn’t happen. I know library ninjas (friend, Tram). I know driving ninjas (Andy). I know packing ninjas (Dad). I know cookie ninjas (Jane, my boss).  I know logistics ninjas (Mom). I know music ninjas (Ethan). I know heavy-metal-carpenter-ballerina ninjas (Brooke). I know guitar ninjas (Dan Benner). I know piano ninjas (Jesse W). And I know a real ninja . . . Josh Wegner. He’s a real ninja. I’m blessed to know so many ninjas.

1. And FINALLY! . . . I’m thankful for coffee. Any kind of coffee. And chocolate. I’m thankful for chocolate too.  And pumpkin. I’m thankful that God blessed us with pumpkins and gave the people at Starbucks wisdom to make pumpkin spice lattes which I’m going to buy at least one of today . . . because it’s my birthday!!! And who cares what you eat on your birthday? =)

Is it a defeatist attitude to say that some things are the way they are “just because”?  To believe that some parts of life don’t have explanations . . . or if they do that those explanations are so much bigger than we can comprehend that we’re better not knowing?

Some of the greatest inventions and discoveries have been made by people who weren’t satisfied with “Because.”

But I don’t believe that science can explain everything. I believe that there are some parts of life that are beyond explanation (again, mainly because our brains would blow up if we tried to figure them out). Probably the biggest question we can’t answer is, Why? Why do bad things happen? Why is the universe so screwed up? Why did God even make us if He knew we were going to ruin everything? And why does He keep us around even when He knows we’re going to keep screwing everything up?

There’s only so much comfort one can derive from, “Because He loves us.” But, at the same time, shouldn’t that be enough? That God’s love is big enough to encompass all our questions and our worries and our struggles? Isn’t He big enough to handle all that without our needing to know?

So why do some people need to know? And why are other people are content to just trust that everything has a purpose and a reason and a design, but we might not always understand what that is? I know it’s not wrong to ask questions, but is it wrong not to ask questions?

So . . . President Obama has been awarded a Nobel Peace Prize . . . That’s very interesting. I wasn’t aware that the committee gave out Nobel Peace Prizes to encourage someone to live up to the world’s expectations of them. I thought they were awards to people who’ve already accomplished something.

I’m not going to get into a political discussion here, but regardless of my own personal feelings on the subject of his political stance, I don’t think President Obama has been in office long enough to judge whether any of his decisions have been award-worthy or not. Especially when the Nobel Peace Prize nominations only started a few weeks after he got into office. Is that really long enough to say whether or not he’s going to change the world like Mother Theresa did? Or Martin Luther King, Jr.?

I guess time will tell.  But if the committee is going to change the reason for giving out these silly things, they need to change the name from the Nobel Peace Prize to the Nobel Peace Incentive . . . .